he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
