weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
