okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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