so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize