Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
