god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
