Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
what day is it and did you see me today?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
smell my finger.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
