He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize