what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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