I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
