I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
