If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
