..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
