try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
