I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
