My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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