Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
