This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
