...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I AM VODKA MAN
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
