Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize