hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
