Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
