Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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