Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
