it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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