And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
