Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
