something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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