He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
