the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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