But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize