I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
