when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
