I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
