Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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