I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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