you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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