just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
