you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
