Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
