so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
