It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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