I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
