Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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