My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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