woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
