u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
