new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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