That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
