She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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