the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize