He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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