This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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