i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
