she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
