people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
They should really pass out barf bags in church
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize