i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this hospital has no fireball
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
