I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
