white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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