Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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