But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
