oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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