i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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