I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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