I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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