Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
