As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize