Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
