I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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