Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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