Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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