You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
