it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did you just send me my own nude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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