I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
