I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
