I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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