I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
