Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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