We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
