my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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