last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
two words...techno handjob
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize