apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
