well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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