yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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