Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
