whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
