My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
