Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
