I feel great
I just peed on a car
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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