We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
