I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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