I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
