its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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