I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
