you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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